I came from a background where intimacy held many mixed messages for me. My mom was very affectionate, my dad cold and unfeeling at times. My mom hugged, dad shrugged. I had to fight tooth and nail throughout my young life to achieve even the slightest praise from him. When I married and had a family of my own, could see a little of what my father was facing as a parent. He grew up in a single parent family. His father deserted his mother and siblings when he was just a young boy – not even yet in school.
He never had the benefit of a good role model to follow, so most of his parenting was done on the spot without much thought to it. I know his love was genuine. He made many sacrifices so that my sister and I could receive a Christian education. He would praise both of us to others, but never to our faces.
My relationship with my husband has grown into an intimate relationship over many years of trial and error. He is very affectionate – I tended to adapt to my dad’s way of showing love. It took a long time, but as our lives began to meld together, I knew that intimacy wasn’t always about a physical relationship, but more of a connection – a binding of spirits – a joining of two into one.
As I grow in my relationship with my Savior, intimacy is an uncomfortable word for me to use to describe how I feel about him. I certainly feel at ease talking to Him on a daily basis. I know I can go to Him at any time and He will be available for me. Still there is something that divides us.
He is God. I am a sinner. I know that my sins have been forgiven, but there’s still that separation. There’s nothing that I can do to obtain heaven, but He’s given it to me freely as a gift – an inheritance that I can count on.. I have nothing to prove His existence except His holy words in the Bible. All I can do is stand in complete awe of His glory, His wisdom, His mercy, His love, His unconditional grace for someone as fallen as me.
When I reach heaven I will know complete intimacy with my Lord, Jesus. We will be joined together eternally and can only grow stronger under those circumstances, but for as long as I live, He will always be my God first – The Redeemer of my iniquities – my friend forever.